Loan Me Your Sister

Items I loan you in exchange for Deaf, Mute Sister who likes the feel of spandex.

Panda Street Racing Simulator (not available during school hours)

Russian Spiderman Suit (Tobey Maguire is girly, this is man suit)

Photo Op with Former Russian Olympic Gold Medalist (will probably ask for change)
You must provide picture of deaf, mute sister.
Then we deal.
Nicholai
deaf […]

Items I loan you in exchange for Alcoholic Anonymous Sister who has been sober for most of the day.

Duct Tape Pajamas (keeps out lice and body pests)

Anti-Vodka Goggles (keep you seeing what they really look like)

Breast Volume Calculator (no purpose other then women letting you act like scientist)
You must provide picture of sexy, hung over […]

Items I loan you in exchange for American Idol Contestant Sister who was humiliated by Simon.

An official Members Towel from Russia’s most dangerous biker gang (You may have to kill a man first)

Your choice of automobile part (Officer Martok is a heavy sleeper)

A bear skin rug (recently Febreeze’d)
You must provide picture of sexy, no-talent sister.
Then […]

Items I loan you in exchange for 12 Step Sister who knows her vodka.

My sisters show you how real Russians party. (Keep your wallet in safe place, they have student loans to pay off.)

A Slice of Borscht Cake (still fresh from Cousin Inka’s wedding)

Uncle Gorki’s Swimsuit (The very same one he died in. R.I.P.)
You must […]

Items I loan you in exchange for Feral Sister who was raised by wolves.

A Used Car (Grammy Ulenka available for push starts)

The Russian Rockettes free street performance (only while off duty)

Ski Gear (Very Safe and Coincidentally Warm)
You must provide picture of sexy, feral sister.
Then we deal.
Nicholai
automobile Funny gear Humor Moscow […]

Items I loan you in exchange for Bookworm Sister who knows Dewey Decimal System.

A Red Ball (this was not easy to get away from Maraschenka)

One Night of Drinking with the Mongol Brothers (you must provide your own shelter for night)

Ballet Lessons (anywhere, anytime)
You must provide picture of sexy, bookworm sister.
Then we deal.
Nicholai
ballet book […]

Items I loan you in exchange for Cheerleading Sister who can do splits both ways.

Happy Fun TV Time with Nibbles the Bear (Anything with flashing colors not recommended)

Get Out of Gulag Free Card (in form of free Vodka bottle and $20 american money)

Moscow McDonalds Gift Certificate (only good on the McRuskie and McPigeon Nuggets)
You must […]

Items I loan you in exchange for Hand Model Sister who has grip like G.I. Joe.

Have picture taken with “Hoof Hand Harry” (Do not offer handshake)

Gustav will play popular music of the 80’s for you (will not play anything by Peter Gabriel)

My neighbor will make you fresh Russian Noodles (Made from real Yak)
You must […]

Items I loan you in exchange for Militant Sister who wears combat boots.

One day training with Russian Sharpshooting and Aerobics Team (experts in all things lycra)

Vintage Forest Fire Prevention Sign (featuring beloved mascot Bumrape the Bear)

Muvat will loan you his Chair Boat for exotic lake cruising (100% safe on land)
You must provide picture of sexy, […]

Items I loan you in exchange for Scientologist Sister with Thetan Level of 3 or higher.

The Bolsch Brothers will do your American taxes for you (very bright young men)

Cousin Svetlana will offer her roadside services to you (This includes mechanical and good time)

State of the Art Russian theft protection (barking dog in backseat not included)
You […]